“She opens her mouth with wisdom,
and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” Proverbs 31:26 ESV
Who are the women who shaped your life? Did they pass on unforgettable words of wisdom or teachings of kindness?
Since Mother’s Day comes in May, this month I want to share words of wisdom from some of the women who shaped my life.
Mama’s Old Sayings
My own mother, of course, made the first impression on my life. Her words of wisdom often came in the form of “old sayings.”
“Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.” (Acting in anger, bitterness, or spite is counterproductive. When you see revenge, you end up hurting yourself.)
“That’s water under the bridge.” (Like a river flowing under a bridge, events of the past cannot be changed. So don’t waste time beating yourself up over past mistakes, and don’t hold grudges.)
“That’s the pot calling the kettle black.” (That’s hypocrisy. Don’t criticize someone else for their faults when you do the same thing. Or, as Jesus said, take the log out of your own eye before you try to take the speck out of your brother’s eye. Matthew 7:4)
Wisdom from My Aunt: Don’t Be Critical
I was born into a large family, and I had several aunts whose words and actions left an imprint on me.
Aunt Anna Mae, whom I called Nenaine (godmother), was like a second mother to me. Shortly after I got married, my new husband and I visited my aunt and uncle. I don’t remember the context of our conversation, but Nenaine made a statement I’ve never forgotten.
“As you get older, you realize you have faults of your own, and you become less critical of others.”
I hope, as I get older, I will follow Nenaine’s example in kindness and grace.
Have Faith in the Younger Generation
When I was about twelve years old, my uncle was drafted to serve in Vietnam during the war. A blanket of dread hung over the family as the day of his departure approached. The adults began discussing the hardships they’d endured growing up and how they’d worked hard to shield their children from difficulties. My mother wondered whether the younger generation, my generation, would be able to endure similar hardships.
But Aunt Millie stepped in and spoke up on our behalf.
“Oh, I think they’d rise to the occasion and do what needs to be done.”
I appreciated Aunt Millie’s vote of confidence. Now that I’m a member of the older generation, I want to remember Aunt Millie’s words of wisdom. From Boomers to Millennials to Gen Z and beyond, every generation has different challenges. But God has placed us where we are “for such a time as this,” and He will strengthen us. (Esther 4:14)
Release Unrealistic Expectations
My Aunt Lucille modeled graciousness. Though we live in the same city, I usually only see my aunt and cousins at funerals. Several years ago, though, I bumped into Aunt Lucille and her sons in a restaurant on Mother’s Day. I felt guilty for not keeping in touch with family. But Aunt Lucille absolved me of any guilt.
“Well, it’s hard enough to keep up with your own family, without having to keep up with aunts and uncles and cousins.”
I realized sometimes we put unrealistic expectations on ourselves. Aunt Lucille reminded me we do the best we can with the time we have, and we give ourselves grace.
Actions that Speak Loudly
I have other aunts who stood out for their actions rather than their words.
Aunt Anna, our youngest aunt, was pretty and outgoing. She spent time with my sister, my cousins, and me. And when Aunt Anna had her own children, she asked us to babysit. We felt grown up and respected.
Aunt Fran extended kindness towards people Jesus would have called “the least of these.” (Matthew 25:40) I remember her kindness to my brother with special needs. A few years ago, before Aunt Fran died, her daughter Julianne was cleaning out her closet. Julianne discovered Aunt Fran had labeled and kept a macrame plant hangar my brother made at his sheltered workshop.
Aunt Jeanne researched the family’s genealogy. In my younger days, I wasn’t interested in learning about ancestors who lived long ago. But now I wish I knew more about the people who went before me. How did they live? What were their struggles? Now I realize I could have learned a lot from the generations who went before me.
Hospitality Without the Hassle
Aunt Joyce had a gift for hospitality, but her hospitality was not the Martha Stewart variety.
Several Boston Terriers and at least one German Shepherd were always romping around Aunt Joyce and Uncle Earl’s house. Aunt Joyce’s latest sewing or craft project usually covered the dining room table. Toys and games lay strewn across the playroom floor. Yet whenever my parents would call and say we were going to “take a ride over,” Aunt Joyce put on a pot of coffee and chicory and took a Sara Lee pound cake out of the freezer. The grownups sat around the kitchen table and talked while the kids played happily upstairs.
Aunt Joyce taught me I don’t need to have an immaculate house or a fancy meal to make guests feel welcome. The secret of her hospitality was her warm and joyful personality.
Wisdom Passed Down and Lessons Learned
Be kind and compassionate. Be graceful and forgiving.
Care for others, from the youngest to the oldest.
Be hospitable. Don’t be critical.
These were the words of wisdom and teachings of kindness passed down in my family.
My mother loved her family and remained close to her siblings and siblings-in-law.
She wanted her children to love one another. When I was a child, I’d ask Mama what she wanted for Christmas or birthday or Mother’s Day, she’d say, “I just want y’all to get along.”
We may have fought like cats and dogs as children, but I hope as adults we’ve made her proud.
I hope we’ve heeded her words of wisdom and teachings of kindness.
Images courtesy of Alex Schute and Carlyn Suggs on Unsplash
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